


First Steps

by Limpet666



Series: While There is Life [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Fledgling romance, M/M, Mild Angst, Post-Order 66, Post-prequel rewrite, Qui-Gon Lives, space dads on the run
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-06-06 01:16:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6731887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Limpet666/pseuds/Limpet666
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the weeks and months following Order 66, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan begin their first steps towards balancing the responsibility for the younglings under their care, with time needed for their own fractured psyches to recover.</p><p>(Go to series for full overview)</p>
            </blockquote>





	First Steps

**Author's Note:**

> Part Two of Where There is Life. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan -centric.
> 
> (2 weeks AO66)

The first time Qui-Gon awoke with Obi-Wan by his bedside was a surprise to say the least. He was accustomed to waking alone, even before...everything, so finding Obi-Wan sat on the floor next to his cot was irregular.

But he had said nothing, not wanting to deter Obi-Wan from seeking the comfort he needed. Even if it was just Qui-Gon's sleeping presence.

They had been travelling without course for two weeks since leaving Bail Organa's facility, and it had been decided that neither of them would sleep at the same time. Just for the sake of safety. The younglings were capable, but not a one of them was older than 13 standard.

But that didn't mean they were always needed in an immediate fashion. When Qui-Gon had free time he used it to relieve the younglings watching over the infants, or to do the rounds and get to know some of the children better.

Despite having met sometimes during classes, they were all virtual strangers to each other. Neither he nor Obi-Wan had even known all the youngling's names before departure. There had been very little time or inclination at the Facility for a group sit-down; all of them were keenly aware that they had years stretched before them to get to know each other.

Qui-Gon was painfully aware that Obi-Wan was absent more often than he was present, and currently unable to lend much help towards more than the bare essentials. Often Qui-Gon would leave him with the infants, the babies quiet and undemanding in Obi-Wan's presence as he bathed, dressed and fed them on autopilot.

The other younglings were want to be more talkative, and Obi-Wan couldn't handle that right now.

When Qui-Gon took his few scant hours of sleep, he knew Obi-Wan was on alert, and would handle any problems that arose. But the older younglings confided that very often, once the essentials were seen to, Obi-Wan would return to his room to meditate. He always left the door open, but the younglings only went to him in emergencies.

Now, it seemed, Obi-Wan was forgoing his own room in favour of Qui-Gon's.

“I'm sorry. I'll stop of it bothers you,” Obi-Wan said apropos of nothing when Qui-Gon awoke one time a few days later. Qui-Gon had spent many minutes just watching the younger man in profile, letting his rested mind slowly come to full alertness. Obi-Wan's beard was ungroomed, his clothes dishevelled, and there were dark rings under his eyes.

“No, Obi-Wan, it's fine,” Qui-Gon murmured, voice rough with sleep. He reached out with his left hand to gently brush his fingers against Obi-Wan's cheek, “How are you feeling?”

Obi-Wan just shrugged, shaking his head a little. Qui-Gon sighed as he sat up, stretching out his stiff muscles. The cots were not the most comfortable of bedding.

“Why don't you set up your cot in here?” Qui-Gon suggested, meeting Obi-Wan's surprised look with lifted eyebrows.

It wouldn't leave much floor space in the small room, but another cot would fit.

“I couldn't--”

“It would be more comfortable than the floor,” Qui-Gon reasoned.

Obi-Wan lowered his head with an uncomfortable expression, clearing thinking he was being an imposition.

“I don't mind the company, Obi-Wan,” Qui-Gon added softly, and Obi-Wan looked back up to him, face suddenly understanding the truth in his words. Qui-Gon wasn't lying, even on a ship with nearly two dozen other beings, it was too quiet.

The whole universe felt so quiet now.

\- - -

The next time Qui-Gon awoke he looked over to see Obi-Wan sat cross-legged on his cot. A cot he had somehow managed to bring in without waking Qui-Gon.

But it did look much more comfortable.

“Better?” Qui-Gon murmured with sleepy amusement, and Obi-wan opened his eyes from his attempted meditation.

“Are you sure you don't--”

“No, Obi-Wan. I don't mind at all.” He smiled at the other man as he sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the cot. There was about 18 inches of floorspace between their cots, but rather than feel cramped it felt...secure.

“Actually, it is quite comforting to wake up to company,” Qui-Gon admitted softly, before his smile faltered and he looked to Obi-Wan with a sudden question. Obi-Wan wasn't looking back.

_Stupid man._

Qui-Gon had thought Obi-Wan had stayed close to him because _Obi-Wan_ had wanted, needed, the comfort. Qui-Gon had thought he himself hadn't needed it.

How blind could he be?

“Obi-Wan...” Qui-Gon couldn't find the words to apologise for how thoughtless he had been. He had not suffered the loneliness because Obi-Wan had not allowed him to. It _was_ nice to wake up and be reminded instantly that he wasn't alone in this universe.

He should have returned the courtesy.

Obi-Wan didn't say a word and simply reached across to put his hand over Qui-Gon's, saying with actions what he couldn't with words.

It was okay. He understood.

“Why didn't you say anything?” Qui-Gon asked quietly, guilt gnawing at his stomach.

“You have always valued your privacy,” Obi-Wan said softly, looking down at the blanket on his cot.

Qui-Gon let out a sigh and shifted to sit down opposite the other man, holding both Obi-Wan hands in his own, “I'm so sorry, Obi-Wan.”

\- - -

From then on they both made sure to be there when the other awoke.

Occasionally Qui-Gon was there to witness Obi-Wan's thrashing and whimpering, stuck in the clutches of a nightmare. Qui-Gon was always quick to wake him, a hand on his shoulder to shake him gently, the other ready to catch his flailing, terrified swipe.

In those times, Obi-Wan immediately crumple into sobs, great heaving gasps of grief and fear. Qui-Gon would wrap his arms around him tight, holding him close until he finally stopped shaking.

Obi-Wan never apologized; they both knew there was no need. Qui-Gon would comb his finger through Obi-Wan's hair and murmur soothing noises, sending waves of gentle energy through the bond that had once joined them as Master and Padawan. And Obi-Wan accepted the comfort greedily, basking in it for as long as he needed.

Qui-Gon's nightmares came much less frequently, and far less violently. His grief was a quiet one, and Obi-Wan only held his hands as the taller man sat hunched on the edge of the bunk and breathed deeply through the rising panic. In….out. _Feel...and release._

After a few weeks of consistent company, Obi-Wan started to show signs of recovery.

He no longer wandered about the ship with empty eyes and a lost expression, and slowly but surely the younglings were starting to coax small smiles and short conversations from him.

Indeed, eventually they even managed to persuade him to join in with their games and training. Even if it was just as referee, or instructor.

\- - -

Qui-Gon was roused from the cockpit by a sound that spread warmth in his chest before he even realised what he was hearing.

A sound he had not heard in far too long.

Leaving the controls under Ganodi's watchful care, he stepped out into the corridor, listening for the noise again. He followed it out towards the communal area, whereupon he found Obi-Wan, buried under a giggling pile of no less than seven younglings. He was laughing uproariously, and something inside Qui-Gon, some parts of his shattered heart, began to piece themselves together again.

“Ah! Qui-Gon! A little help?” Obi-Wan beseeched between laughs, reaching out a hand for aid only to have it promptly wrestled to the ground by a rambunctious Togruta boy.

“I don't know, you seem to have it under control,” Qui-Gon mused unhelpfully, folding his arms over his chest. Obi-Wan let out a dramatic cry that had all the children giggling like chirping birds.

“Qui-Gon!”

Eventually Qui-Gon did help wrangle the excited younglings off of Obi-Wan, grabbing armfuls of the squirming, giggling children and depositing them on the various soft furnishings about the room. Fortunately they stayed where they were put, but when Qui-Gon went back to Obi-Wan he found the man still laying on the floor, fighting to catch his breath through his laughter. His cheeks were flushed and hair a mess, and he looked up at Qui-Gon with bright, lively eyes.

Qui-Gon held a hand down to him with a warm, amused smile, and Obi-Wan gratefully accepted it.

Once up, Obi-Wan wobbled on his feet a little and leaned against Qui-Gon without hesitation, breathing soft laughs against Qui-Gon's tunic.

Qui-Gon wrapped his arms around Obi-Wan without a thought, able to feel the waves of relief and contentment radiating off the other man. Within them both the sharp edges of grief and betrayal were finally beginning to round off.

Obi-Wan accepted the embrace gratefully, wrapping his arms around Qui-Gon's waist and pressing close. He felt Qui-Gon drop a kiss onto his hair, the gesture gentle but sure, and Obi-Wan tightened his arms briefly in appreciation.

But they couldn't stand there all day, and once Obi-Wan had caught his breath they parted. Qui-Gon touched Obi-Wan's cheek briefly with a warm smile, telling him wordlessly how good it was to see him laughing again.

Obi-Wan's own smile seemed to agree.

\- - -

Qui-Gon awoke the next day to gentle fingers running through his hair. He opened his eyes without urgency to see Obi-Wan sitting next to his cot, his head pillowed on his arm, face inches from Qui-Gon's.

Qui-Gon didn't say a word, not perturbed by Obi-Wan's closeness in the slightest, and just watched the other man's face with a sleepy serenity. His hand slid up from under the covers to gently run his fingertips over Obi-Wan's arm.

The fingers in Qui-Gon's hair stilled after a short while, Obi-Wan's hand resting motionless for a long moment before shifting to cup Qui-Gon's head as he leaned in.

He met Qui-Gon's mouth in a soft, certain kiss, and Qui-Gon lifted his head just a little to press into it.

It felt like the most natural thing in the universe.

Like this was always how it was going to be.

Obi-Wan sat back after a few seconds, a warm smile on his face, fingertips gently pressing against his own mouth. Qui-Gon pushed himself up from the cot, rolling the stiffness from his shoulders as he looked to Obi-Wan fondly. Neither of them felt the need to break the silence.

After another moment, Obi-Wan got up to go back to his duties. Qui-Gon gently caught him by the hips as he stepped past, pulling him close. Obi-Wan went without question, threading his fingers into Qui-Gon's hair when the older man rested his head against his stomach.

“I love you, you know,” Obi-Wan murmured down at him with a smile, the confidence of his feelings lending his voice a serene certainty.

Qui-Gon exhaled a breath as he digested the words, memorised them, then replied without a moment of hesitation, “And I you.”

He looked up at Obi-Wan with an expression of utter adoration and love, and found the sentiment mirrored in the other man. Warm hands took Qui-Gon's face as Obi-Wan leaned down to kiss him again. And again.

And again.

 


End file.
